There seems to be an awful lot of concern regarding if men and women are more probable to cheating in a Long Distance Relationship. This is the #1 question I get asked: “How you do know she’s not cheating?” Answer: Well hmm….how can I be 100% certain? I can’t really. I just take a look at the signs  and see how much attention and commitment she’s showing in the relationship. I don’t worry about being 100% sure, that would just make me a control freak, not good for a relationship.

Question #2 I get asked: “How about you? Don’t you have something else going on there?” … Truth is I don’t. I’ve been 4 years faithful and honest and I can tell you that it is the best way to live. No concerns, no worries, no headaches from leading a double life. Also, you’re not hurting anybody in the process. I aim for living a transparent life or as close to it as I can, at the end of the day I feel better, at the end of the month I feel better and at the end of the year I feel better, so why not do it?

Are men and women more likely to cheat in a Long Distance Relationship?

So back to the question, are men and women more likely to cheat in a Long Distance Relationship? The way I see it, if they want to, they’ll cheat anyway long distance or not. Imagine this scenario… You’re in a relationship and you love your partner so much, you’ve been together for a while, stayed faithful so far and now you’re being sent to different cities, will you start cheating just because he/she is in another city? I don’t think so, not if you’re really in love. The distance doesn’t matter in that case, would it?

I think the distance just makes cheating more viable and easier to hide, but in that case it was bound to happen anyway. You don’t want to be there, get out of that relationship and find somebody that values you more.

In my case I know that this is the relationship I want to be in because Monica and I have managed to keep it going even though we’re 2000+ miles apart, and not only that, but we’ve managed to stay into each other even if there have been temptations.

Cheating is for cowards

Cheating is a sign of disloyalty, being untruthful and overall relationship needs not being met; It doesn’t have to do with the distance. It’s also a cowardly act, because people that cheat do it behind other’s backs afraid of telling the truth. I think the #1 reason I’ve stayed faithful all these years is because I’ve always said that If I’m man enough to cheat I should also be man enough to tell Monica that I’m going to do it before hand, and you know what? It never works out, I just can’t picture myself saying “Hey I’m going to cheat tonight btw”

We’re only humans

Though I’ve stayed faithful, I won’t lie, I’ve had rough moments. There was a point in college where I’d started hearing my friends talking about all this crazy sex and multiple partner stories, and it gets to a point where it kind of gets to you…Social Pressure maybe? Anyway, the straw that broke the camel’s back was a friend of mine telling me how he went to Canaima in Venezuela and had this amazing time with all these girls that he and other friends took. And he said that they did this trip every summer! Oh geez! No I felt like I was being left out. I mean I’m twenty something, I’m attractive (or I like to think so :p), and I’m only going to be this age one time. I gave it a lot of thought, but felt trapped, wanted my relationship, but also wanted some crazy Hugh Hefner type of lifestyle. It was the little devil and angel fighting in my head. I decided the best thing to do was to be honest with Monica and let her know what I was feeling. Communication is key. I talked to her and told her everything. We talked for hours and it felt so much better. After all I realized and decided that I wanted to be with her more than anything.

In summary:

• You’ll never be 100% certain whether your partner is cheating or not, so don’t worry to that extent, watch for the signs.
• If you do suspect there’s dishonesty in your relationship, then talk with your partner, don’t just assume, dig in there to see what may be happening. If it is true, then get out of there, if they do something behind your back at this point then chances are dishonesty will only get bigger as time goes by.
• Live a transparent life and realize that we’re humans, we’re bound to feel mix emotions at different points of the week.

Changing the terminology

Well first of all let’s start by changing the terminology. “Survive” seems like a lot of work! And not to mention pain! You’ll hear this when somebody went through an accident, a difficult situation, a catastrophe, any of those situations that we do not want to be related to. Managing your long distance relationship sounds a lot better. The idea is to see the benefits of your relationship and enjoy this time of your life. Yes, that’s right, ENJOY IT!

There’s always 2 sides to the mirror I think, I like to focus on the empowering side, the one where you see all the benefits that are leading  to a better place, ultimately that’s where you want to be, so that’s where you should focus.

Shifting your focus is really not hard.

What I do is ask myself these questions:

1. What are the benefits of having a long distance relationship?

2. What do I enjoy?

3. What are good aspects of my relationship?

4. How can I improve my relationship and make it more fun?

I get Monica involved in this also, it’s important to me that we both see this side. Of course I won’t tell her directly to look at the other side because that would just make her shutdown and not make my point across; Instead, I ask her a question like: “What’s the thing you like most in our relationship?” and immediately our outcome turns much better.

Being in a Long Distance Relationship has been life changing for me, from being at the point of “This may work out, let’s give it a try” to “This definitely works and I like it!”

Every time Monica and I get together after being long distance for say 6 months to a year, I can notice this increased bond in our relationship. Almost as if we take it a step above every time we meet again. It’s very exciting and we’re always very happy to be together again, it feels like our love for each other hits a new all time high….how’s that for a benefit? The other side to this is that we’re wondering how will it be when we’re together for a while. I think we will have to resort to other ideas and ways of creating that excitement.

Everything in life is here to teach us something.

The being “distant” part is a minor detail and the vehicle that’s being used to make you a stronger couple, how would otherwise you create a bond that strong with you partner? Use it to your advantage and make your relationship better. You learn, you laugh, you grow stronger…..Why not enjoy this time?

You see divorce rates going up (though it may have started to decline), increasing middle age decline in marriage, and relationships that do not last for long. Let’s not let statistics hit us. It can absolutely be done if you’re committed enough and can I say there are many  success stories?.

Flow with the stream

You want to look back at this time and think good memories, it may have been hard, but you made it through and learned a lot from it, you grew as a couple and are now stronger than ever. Flow with the stream, and not against it. (Thank you Oprah for this). Everytime I feel I’m in a tough relationship moment, I ask myself, “I’m I flowing with the stream or against it?”

It may seem like being distant is too painful or that you’re trying to “survive”, but just think that if you get through this, your life as a couple will be changed forever, you would have endured what most couples can’t, even when they are close.

Think of people would be now asking you, “How did you do it?” It’s a challenge, but it’s one that’s worth it. Our biggest learning and growth as a person comes from our biggest challenges also, so why not give it a try and overcome the challenge?

Alejandro